How to Get Your Bike Stolen

In this day and age, it really isn’t hard to get your bike stolen. But just in case you’ve been struggling to do so, we thought we’d compile a few tips that might help you out!

Not everyone enjoys having their bike stolen. But for those that do, the simple tips below will teach you exactly how to get your bike stolen.

Bike thief hacksaw kryptonite
By the end of this article, you'll know exactly how to get your bike stolen!
Table of Contents
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    Which Bike Lock to Choose?

    When you’re purchasing a new bike lock, make sure you find out which ones are the most secure. If you need a hand with this have a look at our list of the strongest bike locks. Make a mental note of these, this will come in handy. 

    Once you’ve got your list of the best bike locks, we’re ready to go! What you’ll now need to do, is get yourself a lock that isn’t on this list. 

    You have to think, if you spend a large amount of money on a top-quality bike lock, thieves won’t stand a chance of stealing your bike! 

    Instead, you’ll want to look for something a little more basic, with a price tag of around $20 (£15). 

    A bike lock that retails for $20 (£15) will not only provide awful protection for your bike, but the chances are it will be unnecessarily brightly coloured. This bright colouring will attract “unwanted” attention to your bike, which is exactly what we want!

    How to get your bike stolen
    After viewing this diagram, I'm sure you'll agree the pink cable lock is the better choice for those looking to get their bike stolen!

    How to Lock Your Bike With Your New Lock

    We’re now one step closer to getting that bike stolen. But first, we must learn how to secure our bike so that we are not an inconvenience to thieves!

    First of all, we must remember that thieves just like us, are human. They have families at home that need feeding and probably lead stressful lives. So with that in mind, lets not make matters worse for them. 

    We could leave the bike secured down a back street, somewhere nice and quiet where a thief won’t be disturbed whilst stealing your bike. However, it may take time for a thief to locate the bike so instead we will leave it somewhere busy. 

    If you live in the city, you’ll probably already know the busiest spots. Head down into town and find somewhere with lots of foot traffic. Thieves will be operating here, and the chances are if you leave your bike here they’ll see it! Fantastic.

    Busy Bike Park
    An area like this will be perfect. Plenty of foot traffic, bound to be thieves around!

    This is one of our favourite parts. Instead of securing your bike’s most valuable components with your new lock, do the opposite. 

    We recommend securing your bicycle by the front wheel, especially if you are lucky enough to have a quick release. It takes a matter of seconds to remove one of these wheels, and it will make a thieves’ day.

    Now that you’ve left your bike for dead, it’s only a matter of time. Go and get yourself a coffee, and when you come back your bike should no longer be there. The chances are, you’ll still be stuck with your wheel. But at least the rest of the bike should be gone!

    stolen bicycle
    The least secure locking option, the front wheel!

    My Bike Hasn’t Been Stolen Yet, What Am I Doing Wrong?

    So, you somehow still have your bike, and can’t seem to shake it. If you are still in possession of your bike, don’t panic, we can still help. The steps below will get your bike stolen for good!

    Head to your favourite bar/pub, although this time you’ll only need your bike. No lock, no nothing (apart from a couple of quid to grab yourself a much-needed pint!).

    Once you’re at your local bar/pub, lean your bike up somewhere outside. Again, make sure it’s visible to the public and preferably near to a road, to aid a quick getaway. It’s good fun to pop your head outside between pints and check if someone’s taken your ride yet. 

    The longer you bike remains outside, the more fun you’ll be having inside!

    Bike outside pub
    A bike left unlocked outside anywhere wont take long to disappear. You might as well enjoy yourself down the local whilst you wait!

     

    By the next morning, you’ll probably have a splitting hangover. However, CONGRATULATIONS! You are now bicycle free. Never again will you be rained on whilst commuting to work, from now on you’ll be upgrading to the awful local buses!

    What a treat.  

    The chances are, this article will attract the attention of people who would rather their bike wasn’t stolen. If you fit into this strange category of people, then this article probably isn’t for you!

    If in fact, you’re looking for some suggestions of good quality bike locks that will keep your bike safe whilst you’re away from it, then check out some of my suggestions below.

     
    *Disclaimer*  This short article is purely for novelty purposes. If you follow the steps above it is very likely that your bike will be stolen! Do not attempt these steps at home. 

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    About Me
    Me and My Bike

    Hello! My name’s James, I’m an avid cyclist and the lead editor of BikeLockWiki.

    I’ve invested over four years into researching & studying bicycle security and now want to share the information I’ve learnt with the worldwide cycling community.

    I do this in the hope that people don’t have to simply become a victim of bike theft to realise and understand the importance of bicycle security. Read More…

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